Wats goin’ on….

That’s supposed to be read in a funny voice, but I doubt it will be.  Anyway, since I can’t think of anything wonderful to write my first blog post about, I’ll write about what is on my mind.

1.  I need to get my teeth pulled.. again. I knew this was coming up but forgot to call the dentist, so now I have to get through a week of school feeling like something is drilling into my molar. Joy.  See, the thing is, my wisdom teeth (ahh, wise stupid things) are growing in sideways.  They have actually grown into and are pushing on my molars, which are in turn breaking under the pressure. Now, some of this is my fault, I didn’t brush my teeth a lot as a kid, and now that I’m older, I was homeless for a long while so I didn’t have access to adequate dental supplies.

Now, this wouldn’t be a problem, except that a) I’m in college 4 days a week (yay!! I’m finally nourishing my brain <3) and most importantly, b) I have a… something. I forgot the name of it, I haven’t been to a family dentist since like 2005..  but basically, my lower jaw grew out more than my upper one did.  Probably a gene issue.  My upper jaw didn’t grow out fully, so from the side my face is slightly indented or flat looking. It’s because my upper jaw never grew out the way it was supposed to and my cheekbones are concave I believe.   So, to sum this up, my teeth don’t match up *except* for the molars.  I’m afraid to get them pulled because how am I supposed to chew when my teeth don’t connect? I need dentures, or that surgery.

Problem? That surgery (when I asked almost a decade ago, I can hope the price has gone down I suppose..) is $25,000.

Um, excuse me while I stop myself from going on a tangent about the health care system. *ahem*

Right now I am living off of about 910 a month in TANF and food stamps.  I’m sure some people will be… disappointed in me, to read that.  Honestly, though, I worked myself to mental illness before, so I take it as money I put in.  I’m going to college so I can get a job that won’t lead to multiple panic attacks daily.

2. Social stuff.  Until recently, I was pretty much a solely online person. It’s not that I’m lazy, or anything along those lines, it’s that people freak me out. I don’t like the idea of pissing anyone off, and I don’t like having to keep my opinion to myself, when honestly, how do we learn but by each other?  I dislike the concept that I can’t speak my mind (within reason, of course) or talk about myself, because quite frankly, that’s how I understand the world. I live in my own head. We all do, right?  I grew up on books, so to me everything works like a story. I can best understand if I write it out. That is why I blog.

I am migrating here from Facebook, because social networking is no longer working for me. I think I got the best out of it that I could- some amazing people, lessons, connections, and thoughts. But I need a break.  In the internet, people can be as honest as they want, and not everyone does it nicely.  Some people are like vultures, eagerly watching for the weak to slip up so they can pounce and rip them apart, being nourished by their own hatred for everything else that doesn’t fit their life expectations.

I say in, because the internet really has become a social structure in and of itself. It has become a world, and as much as some may not like it, it’s become a strong one. Human interaction across the globe instantaneously. It’s an amazing thing. I just need to shift locations, so that it best suits my own needs.

I need to write more.  To share more, because when I don’t, I feel all wound up and like I am going to explode. I’m an existentialist, and I am always thinking of more things than I can get out. I have a hard time sharing these things, these thoughts, with people in person, because if I get interrupted, my entire brain stops. I can’t think anymore. It’s like when I get cut off, the engine to my brain stalls out and I just stand there going “uhhhhhh…. what was I saying?”

Man, I really need these teeth pulled. I don’t know what I am going to do..


~ by araelysia on October 29, 2012.

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