Dear Me: (Daily Prompt)

To my fourteen year old self:

I know there’s a lot going on for you. I know right now every day living with Papa is hell, trying to find your balance, and grow.  You’re like a plant growing in the wrong climate, but you are resilient. Just get through this, and things will get better. I promise.  It will take a while, and there will be more pain along the way, but there will be wonderful moments too.  Ignore the bullies at school, ignore Papa’s alcoholism, try to block out his screaming tirades in your face.  You’ll develop PTSD and some very strong social issues because of it but you’ll still be able to make strong enough friends to change your life forever.

You know how Papa always talks about just packing his bag and leaving when he was 16?  You’ll do that too, but with a diploma. You will get to travel, see different cultures in our country, and you *will* find that home you have yearned for constantly for as long as you can remember. You will, I promise. I still think of you often, and it’s been ten years since I was you.  I haven’t forgotten you, it’s just sometimes too painful to consciously remember.  Pay attention to the cycles and how to break them and recognize them- more people than you know have mental illness and anger problems, and Papa is just the first you’re dealing with.  Think of him as the first “mini boss” in the video game, or something along those lines.  Take in, learn, don’t let it change you or try not to.

You’re beautifully creative, just do what you can to get through this and you’ll get to see the ocean and listen to the Beatles.  You’ll have a hard time there, too, because in this world no one really tries to understand you or ask you what’s wrong or what’s on your mind, but you can get through it.  Just be your own rock.  Use all your skills, you can do this.  I’m sorry I can’t help you through it in a traditional sense, but because time is not linear, I’m with you in spirit.  Everything you’re going to go through has happened already in some time stream or another, in some universe or another.  You fit in perfectly to your world, but people are stupid and don’t like to acknowledge that.

It’s okay that you don’t fit in with the mainstream culture.  Sometimes people come along who need to challenge the stream or go their own way. That is not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. I know it’s painful, but it’s a realization you will come to soon.  Just try to get through it.  I love you.

Me

 

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~ by araelysia on November 2, 2012.

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