When I hear phrases like “The Dreaming Tree”, I immediately tend to feel swept up in a tide of sensations.  That’s how I perceive things- to me life is just a giant story. I feel, and I mean this utterly whole-heartedly, with no jokes or exaggeration, as if the world is a dream. My existence. This life, everything I do.  I am very disconnected, on a social scale, and in general.  I’m not sure how or why it happened, but I think at a young age “reality” scared me so much that my brain changed the way it perceives stuff.

Unfortunately, this “skill” or just brainwave, does not help me in social situations that scare me.  Half of what I do with other people, how I respond, react, speak, everything, every little choice I make sometimes is planned out for what seems like the most logical way to get done what I want to.  I feel too deeply about some things, and too little about others.  I have to remind myself to do things like give my husband a kiss. I have to concentrate and go through a mental list of factors that might equate to someone’s mood.

I’m sure some of this is self inflicted- I am an internet junkie. I have met most of the people I feel closest to online. I have a hard time talking in person, if people interrupt me my thoughts scatter to the winds, and I get frustrated and upset. I am addicted to Facebook and Farmville- it’s something about the collecting / “mastery”.  I’m working on growing my book collection though so I can return to my native habitat and perhaps migrate to the living room in comfort.  Yes, I have specific zones of the house I feel comfortable in.

I’m really odd, aren’t I? :/

I just held Jason for like, five minutes. It was nice to just stand there and hold him.  Jason is my husband, by the way, and Aedric is my son. I’m 24, Jason is 25, and Aedric is almost a year old ❤

Random fact: I came up with Aedric’s name because in the womb he would kick like he was swimming, and move his arms the same way. I looked up alternate names for Poseidon (The Greek God of the Sea) and none of them felt right, and it came to me just like that. I loved it so much I picked it.


~ by araelysia on November 16, 2012.

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