365 challenge day 3 (late :()

Please note, the reason I am late on this is because it was my son’s first birthday yesterday!  So I was a bit distracted. I might share his cuteness eventually but right now my life and home are as disorganized as the computer I just threw a ton of folders onto, so… bear with me please.

Yes, my baby boy turned one yesterday. It was a fantastic day, I had a lot of fun with him. Behind the scenes, within my mind though, I have been blasted from every angle.  Not in a bad way, just.. A lot of stuff going on. Mom is leaving tomorrow. I’m going to miss her, I’m actually going to take a break right now to go spend some time with her.

Okay, that’s going to happen later apparently.

So, yesterday I came to the realization, again, that I am transitioning into the state of “Mother”.  Aedric is my sun, moon and stars. He’s everything to me. I have been so blessed this past year to have him in my life, he brings me great joy.

His father, on the other hand, is something I have to contend with, even in this blog, I think.  I love Jason to death. I do. But everyone, EVERYONE knows that he is very immature. He needs to step up to the plate and become a man and a father, or get out of the way, because he’s only going to be holding me back. I am on track for my life. I can’t wait around forever for him to figure out his own shit, and I shouldn’t always have to placate him like a child.

This is not a partnership, this is him making me treat him like a child and I won’t do it.

That’s not your problem. I just wanted to state something that I care deeply about, because I don’t want to die without anyone knowing how I feel. You know? I think that’s how writers are. We often feel trapped in our skins, unable to express ourselves. I want to share it all.


~ by araelysia on January 5, 2013.

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