Uncomfortable in my skin

I think part of the reason that I ever identified as an “Otherkin” of any sort, (which was once a name I considered myself proudly, like a badge of honor.

I was just talking about it with my friend Erik on Facebook, the fact that I feel so uncomfortable in the “real world”.  I spend so much time in front of the computer screen, hiding from life. Hiding from feeling.  Social anxiety is something I need to work like a muscle. Not pressuring myself, but at least getting out into the real world, interacting with other people. If I act like a hermit, how can I ever emerge as a butterfly?

I don’t want to be perfect. I don’t want to be a total social butterfly, but I do want to be a butterfly.

Nyssa was like this, too. She wanted to become the butterfly. I always saw her as some darker colors mixed with lighter ones, like the vision I had earlier. The butterfly I see her as is a dark blue and purple, pink, and silver with a shade of black.  Mostly the first two, traces of the rest.

She was so beautiful. So beautiful, and tragic.  Tortured, and innocent. She was amazing.

I think I will draw that butterfly. I will try to do her justice, no matter how long it takes me.

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~ by araelysia on January 19, 2013.

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