30

Some days I think a lot about the past, and myself, and my transition, and my period of mental darkness.  I think about the fact that at one point I did not really have an identity, it was scattered and I harnessed the different archetypes my mind set up to explain itself after whatever happened in my brain happened, and then bam, I built myself back up somehow by traits I like.

I sound crazy, but it’s all true. I don’t even know how to start writing about myself, especially without Nyssa being here to be a different mind asking questions. She had the same thing on her mind, and she was a great force in my restructuring. She was like a mirror of myself, because she was a mirror of everything. I think that’s why she couldn’t function- she was too high-functioning. Some wires got crossed, and she got caught in a web.  I somehow managed to crawl to safety, but she didn’t, and I feel guilty. I don’t know how to share my message with my writing the way she did with her art.

I’m lost without her.

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~ by araelysia on January 31, 2013.

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