Self Truth

I always wanted to escape. I didn’t want to be here, in this place, as myself, with my parents, with my life. I wanted a new beginning, something different. I got that beginning in California, halfheartedly, when I got a job at Wal-Mart. That job introduced me to panic attacks and feral behavior. I had had an odd mental qjuirk since I was 16 of a personality/character that lived in a fantasy world in my head. It evolved in depth with my life.

I moved to Portland to escape to “freedom” and found that I could not cope in the real world. I didn’t understand it. Like a faerie tale, I was swept up in a circle of attempted discovery leaving me with less than 750$ and nowhere to call home. Scared, I called out for help the only place I could think to; MySpace or Facebook. Most likely MySpace back then. Or Guild Wars.  A woman, Ronnie, who I had met playing Guild Wars and talking in groups on MySpace, let me stay on her couch. I got a job because of a woman on the bus trying to get me to work for ACS so she could get money.  I did, and I hated the job. I couldn’t cope with the social aspect, again. Just like Wal-Mart the panic attacks came back worse. I tried to keep everything afloat, to appear normal as my mind was shredded apart. I transformed into over 16 different story/personalities, I simply dissolved and forgot myself. Somehow I managed to survive, only to be moved in with Ellie, who had some serious problems as well. This just went downhill.  Insert a few more moves in here, transform it all over and over again, and I ended up homeless in downtown Portland.  Somehow my personality in the storm had reassembled itself, I was Katrina again.  And here I am today.

I have no idea how it happened.

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~ by araelysia on January 31, 2013.

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