So far behind..

I’m disappointed in myself. I haven’t blogged enough in the last several days. I had an amazing thing happen yesterday though, Jason and I fought like hell in the morning, then we made up, and then I actually enjoyed sex. It was new and odd and pleasant.  That was yesterday. We’ve been cleaning the house a lot in preparation for when Kendra and Preston get here.. I have school tomorrow.

Here is something I wrote the other day in google Drive.

There are certain pillars in my mind, a pattern of structure that I weaved to make my world make sense.  From a young age, I was “gifted” with noticing an odd pattern everywhere. In tiles on the floor, in dots on the ceiling. I always wanted to escape and I could find that pattern everywhere, from the couches to rugs to the wall, ceiling. I could always find it.  Then, one day, someone asked me what it meant. And I was stumped.  I was also 14, and newly into “Wicca” and other paganism.  I was interested in WHO the gods were, not in praying to them. I wanted to know the archetypes. I read, and researched until I could see how the patterns fit together, and I began to weave a story, or tap into one.  I used these patterns to maintain my stability until I could fix myself.  

There are more elements than just seven, but it takes seven to perform the rituals. What are the rituals? I don’t know yet, I haven’t figured that out. I know they’re there though, I’ve seen glimpses.

I wish I could just put my thoughts down on paper, but this year I intend to at least learn about how to paint, or something similar, so that I can SHOW what I see, too.  I don’t just write, I know things. I don’t just see what I write, I feel it. That’s why it’s hard for me to write sometimes, because I feel the characters, and I’m juggling that with being a mom and a college student. Oh crap, it’s 2 am already?? What the hell 😦 Bedtime.  The last time I looked it was 11:50, I swear!!

~ by araelysia on February 4, 2013.

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