I have a problem with “forgiveness”

Sometimes I forgive too much, sometimes I’m not forgiving at all. But I swear, with everything going on right now, it’s very difficult to keep my mouth shut and be kind of polite about the whole thing.

Now, I get that people make dumb choices. I even get that people might not want to discuss a serious issue. I even understand that it’s quite probably guilt and a complete lack of any kind of knowledge about what to do to heal this situation. Expecting me to magically somehow lock my emotions away and be able to move on with BS conversations? That doesn’t help. That’s filler. True connections are always deeper than that, and they always will be.

Don’t be afraid to face the bad conversations. Yeah they hurt like hell, and they’re scary. But you know what I’ve come to realize in the last couple of months? IT MAKES IT BETTER.  Once you face it, once you come up to the problem directly, look it right in the face and say “OKAY, and? *Now what?*” everything will start to make sense. Now, I am not saying this is appropriate for every conversation. But that concept should work for bigger conversations- however, READ THE SITUATION.

Pay attention to the other people, and their word choices or lack thereof. Pay attention to what they are choosing to do and how they are choosing to react to you- because everything in life is a choice. Everything that people do is a choice. Every action, every inaction. That choice doesn’t reflect on YOU.  That’s something I’m trying to get through my own head.

I just don’t get it. I mean, when you saw the signs coming a mile away, when those billboards were hitting you in the face, you STILL kept going and STILL decided to do it. That’s fine.

But then you expect me to just be able to act like NOTHING has happened? No, that’s not how human development works. You recognize your fuckups, see what caused them, and fix them. You don’t just try to throw it in the closet and move on- that closet’s going to explode sooner or later, and trust me, it’ll be sooner.

A lie needs to be kept up, and lies can’t be kept up with truths, so then you add more and more lies. As the lies build the clump becomes so dense and so unstable that it will unravel on its own, without much prodding.

Make every minute count, you know?


~ by araelysia on April 7, 2013.

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