Terror

Terror gripped me this morning when I woke up in severe pain from my broken teeth. I’ve been working on getting most of my molars pulled because of a dental issue I have (primarily due to simply poor genetics and poor dental hygiene growing up).

My upper jaw never grew out as much as my lower jaw- or my lower jaw grew too big. I’m not sure which, but I know that my teeth don’t match up anymore. Soon I will have no teeth left to grind food with and I will have to look into dentures.

I hate that. There is one thing about my body that I dislike- It’s far older than I am.  I’ve always been a very deep, introspective person, and I’ve always felt at odds with my face, and not just for the jaw, but my eyes and ears too. I’m nearly legally blind and I have perforated eardrums..

When I get scared about one of them I get scared about the other two again.

Now though, I’m most terrified about going under the laughing gas tomorrow. I prefer it to having them stab my jaw muscle with a needle like 8 times to give me enough crap to numb it, but there’s something about a guy taking pliers to your teeth and ripping them out of your head and being able to hold a nice conversation the entire time that scares the crap out of me.

I hate going alone. It’s so scary. But that’s life lately… Solitary and scary. I just have to remind myself I can do it. I hate being vulnerable.

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~ by araelysia on April 10, 2013.

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