Wordless and Wordy

In person I’m fairly quiet, especially during conflict. When I do raise my voice it’s because I have reached my limit, but no one understands that, or seems to care. Or maybe that’s just a perception, who knows.

My mom called yesterday and apologized for not talking to me much as a baby. She said she read to me when I was in the womb but she didn’t talk to me much, and she apparently read me political cartoons? o.O

I don’t know. It would explain though why I always feel like it’s pointless trying to talk to someone. No one cares, no one wants to hear me, etc. Those are thoughts that pop into my head during conversation. I get depressed when people talk because I have so many problems associated with communication.

-I forget things almost immediately. I’ve been so stressed for so long that things just don’t stick anymore. The things that do stick hurt.?
-When in a conversation, I never remember things I wanted to say while I was alone. Especially during conflict. Then I freeze, and things blurt out. Whee.
-I have a hard time sticking up for myself because when I was younger my dad would get very close to my face and scream at me for hours at a time. That was when I was about 12-14, during the time he was drinking Milwaukie’s Best Ice. I don’t think he probably even remembers it.

I just don’t know. I’ve recognized that online, I have the capacity to fully articulate how I feel and think because my fingers can keep up with my brain, and I can work it all out in my head. Writing is how I release what’s caught behind my tongue.


~ by araelysia on June 22, 2013.

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