Life and Death

I put on Jimi Hendrix Radio on Pandora, and Paint it Black came on as the third song. I was so excited I started dancing with Aedric because I first heard that song while I was working in Canandaigua and Nyssa was living with me. If I could go back in time… ugh, I can’t. I can’t.

I used to walk to work every morning, and she helped me with a ton of songs for my mp3 player. I didn’t know what to do because I was working 2 jobs and she had anxiety even looking for work. I was stressed out at two jobs that gave me severe anxiety at the time- Volunteers of America and Big Lots. During that summer I sometimes got 60 hour work weeks between the two jobs. I wish I’d been kinder to her then, I wish I had understood.

Now I do.

But.. I started crying while dancing with Aedric because I realized that he will never get to meet her. They are so different, Nyssa and Aedric, and the fact that he was born and she died in the same year strikes me as too big to ignore, though I’m not sure what I’m supposed to learn from it. I am so sorry, Nyssa, that I was not a better friend to you. I just didn’t know what you wanted from me. I love you. You were the sister I never had. I love you.

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~ by araelysia on June 25, 2013.

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