Eternal happiness..

As Nyssa once said to me, “When I’m sad it’s hard to think of or remember any other feelings until the emotions pass.” I’ve had glimpses, and other feelings, but for the most part I haven’t moved past it quite yet. I’m trying to release it like a shroud, to let it flutter free like a drenched cloak that is no longer doing its job.

I don’t equate getting a job with stability or happiness. In fact, getting a job is not a very stable source of income- it’s dependent upon many factors. I think i have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I want to be totally independent, I want to have enough money to buy a home, have my food source and my power and my happiness, and simply be able to be. I don’t want to need to worry, to stress, to concentrate on anything other than releasing the stories within.

It’s kind of like wrestling something you can’t quite get a handle on. Writing, I mean. I’ve had trouble getting past this blocked period, all I’ve done is wander on facebook and do stuff online. Jason and Kendra are picking up their stuff at the end of the month and I’m getting onto my own TANF/Food Stamps case. I’m trying to heal from all the emotional traumas so that I can move forward with Corporate Wars and other projects, but I feel trapped in a funk. Instead of focusing on it, I am going to wander the mists to find where the good spots in the swamp are.

I miss Nyssa, she’d be able to read that and understand my message.

I want to connect to people. I want people to understand my language, a little, and want to discover the maps in our own minds. Life is about so much more than pixels or hormones. It’s about everything. Aedric is already a year and a half old. I feel everything changing.


~ by araelysia on July 5, 2013.

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