I’m estranged with a few people, kind of quietly. Just one of those “we’re not really talking” things. With most members of my mom’s family it’s been that way for a few years. Like, since I moved out of California and didn’t do things “normally”. I spent years and years and years thinking about how worthless and small I was, about how poor and worthless I was, about how no one cared about me because I wasn’t good enough for _____.

I’ve heard bits and pieces over the last couple of years. When I got into an apartment they were proud of me, they told me so on Facebook. We don’t really talk, though. Not anymore. I’m not sure if it’s something I did or not, but I’ve developed a hardened, hurt, cold little attitude.

It’s very simple. If you don’t want me in your life, fine. Great. That’s probably for the best anyway because that means I have much more space for people who do care about me. But at the same time I don’t want to not have connections with old friends I truly care about now. I’m going to nurture my healthy relationships so they don’t turn sour too.


~ by araelysia on July 9, 2013.

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