Release, release, release, let it go, let it wash down the stream.. that’s what popped into my head when I was struggling to stay afloat during last term at MHCC. Now I’m trying to do something different. I’m trying to forgive someone of more than just the biggest insult, but to accept and release the fact that I’m not or was not worthy of respect to them. Holding onto my own perceptions of the events and things said to me will do nothing more than keep me here forever. It’s hard to let go when you don’t even know what the hell happened.

I’m just letting it go. There’s nothing I can do about it, there’s nothing I can do to change it, or to make people less cruel. I was really hoping for an apology but I don’t even care anymore. I just don’t want that shit around me anymore. Hurt people hurt people.

If you want me to play fair with you, you need to be honest with yourself and with me. That’s how it is. I’m not going to open myself for more blasting than I already have, and I’m tired of wondering if/when the next unexpected assault will occur, so I’m just going to release that expectation as well as my own attempts to understand what happened. All of it. There’s too much in life for me to try to understand people’s motivations, especially when I am told how little I matter.

Point taken. And released.

Letting go is hard. I truly do hope you gain everything you seek šŸ™‚


~ by araelysia on July 9, 2013.

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