Dear Time…

I really hate you. I’m 25 now. Papa lives 3,000 miles away, Nyssa is dead and she’ll never get to meet Aedric either… my childhood lies in ashes behind me and I don’t even remember most of it. Fuck you. FUCK YOU. I hate tears. I hate that I feel. I hate feelings. I hate crying, and hurt, and pain. I just want everyone to know how special they are. How lucky we are to be here at all. 

I need to stop calling him my dad. I brainwashed myself into doing that when I was convinced I hated him, in that post-teenage angst shit. God, I was stupid. He always wanted me to call him Papa because then I could teach my kids to call him Papa. And he lives so far away… Mom got to meet Aedric. Papa hasn’t.

When he found out about the betrayal he wanted me to come back home. He made his home there, in Mount Morris. I feel like there’s still reasons for me to stay here… What happened a couple of hours ago was a major sign that I’m right. 

Michelle has been living here since before I moved in in March of 2012. She got evicted today. She has 10 days to move out. I didn’t know that, I knew there was some bullshit going on but I didn’t know what. I ran into her in the hallway because … wow, I blanked on her name. Janet’s mom, she lives above me. Anyway, she was lied to and told that the people on either side of me have been filing noise complaints about her, but it’s not physically possible that they would be able to hear anything because I live directly below her. Nancy’s lying to her.

Nancy is the manager.

ANYWAY.. I got way off topic. Sorry. Michelle came up and I found out it was her birthday and she’d been evicted. She was drunk, and they were both kind of drunk, so I invited them in so they wouldn’t be as loud in the hallway past 11.. The last thing I need is them to get in more trouble, you know? I’m lucky, I don’t have any complaints.

I gave Michelle a reading and she poured her heart out to me. Poor woman, she’s in a lot of pain. It’s not my story to tell. I gave her a stone intuitively, as well as some crystals, and it was like a dam burst. She only left like 20 minutes ago. I put Aedric to bed and sent off an email to my dad, who sent me an email with Sweet Child of Mine lyrics in it.. That’s like, the song of my relationship with my dad. 

Fuck you, time.


~ by araelysia on July 25, 2013.

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