Who Am I? Where do I belong?

Before I moved to Portland I had this urging to move around, to travel, to see the world a bit more. I wanted to hitchhike or go on a long road trip, and take a photo journal of what happened. I have long felt a pining for something more, something more THERE than this. I think it’s because I’ve spent so much of my life using the internet as a crutch.

What? Yeah, I said it. I’m being honest with myself. I use the internet to hide because it’s easier than standing up for myself when I was beaten down as a kid by feelings of inadequacy. My Papa (my dad, I’m just trying to respect his desire to be known by me as Papa) hated… hates, really, being poor. So do I, or I did until recently. Honestly, I still do I’m just trying to change my attitude.

How amazing would it be to just walk out that door tomorrow? To be able to, I mean. I don’t want to leave my son behind, I think it’d be great for him. I’m not going to do it though. Not yet, at least. When things are more stable, perhaps we’ll go on a vacation. Years down the road. But for now, for now I will write. I will have my adventure through Rika. 

My friend, my best friend, died the night of Sept. 29th last year. I never got to say goodbye, or tell her I loved her or a million other things. She still means the world to me and I don’t really know how to do the mourning process, so I’m going to write it instead. On fanfiction.net if you look up Rika’s Adventure under Pokemon/other I think, you’ll see the two chapters I’ve done so far. I’m going to be continuing that. If you’d like me to post it here as well, I’ll do so.

Imagine that I took Pokemon and fantasy and spliced the two together, making the story about a friend who passed on and left me her spirit-pokemon.

I like it, anyway.

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~ by araelysia on September 3, 2013.

One Response to “Who Am I? Where do I belong?”

  1. Wonderful Post!
    Check mine out, I think you will appreciate it. http://bravonatalis.wordpress.com/2013/09/03/photographic-series-the-glowing-field/

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