Another sleepless night…

It’s 3:31 am as I’m starting this blog. My foot is bouncing, but though my eyes feel tired, I’m too wired to go to bed. I just did a few dishes and started soaking some more. I spent the last couple of days at my friend Stephanie’s house again. I’ve been spending a lot of time hanging out with her. I’m grateful to have found a soul sister again.

Aedric comes back tomorr… err, this morning at about eight. I look forward to it because I miss snuggling my little guy. 3:33.

I’m grateful for blogging even though I feel like I’m just rambling, because I know that this is good for me. I don’t express myself enough. More and more lately I find myself growing even quieter than normal, coiling tighter and tighter like a spring. All that energy will have to come out sometime. I’m not sure when or in what form, but I can feel it brewing deep within.

I think it’s necessary for whatever is to come. Good things and terrible things, in life sometimes the tension is necessary because it gives us power and a different framework to look at things from. Or maybe it would, if I weren’t being an escapist about it.

Well, I am and I’m not. Being aware of your addictions and idiosyncrasies is important as well. At least to me. It’s important to be aware of yourself. To be aware of how you feel, of the situation you’re in and at least be aware of what you’re doing to yourself… It’s the first step to stopping. When I write I become more aware of myself, of how I feel, what I’m thinking, what lurks in the shadows of my mind… But I’ve grown afraid of that darkess. Afraid of going to sleep and not waking up… Or having a nightmare that rings so horribly true it stays with me. I’m afraid of myself.

I know what I’m capable of when I’m on my track… But I think I left my old one behind. Perhaps I left that mode of travel entirely, I’m not sure, but the mental image I just got was related to the forest. 

Ah hah! I knew Rumi would have a quote that sums up my feeling ❤ 

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and attend them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. ~Rumi”


~ by araelysia on May 5, 2014.

One Response to “Another sleepless night…”

  1. All the best wishes 🙂

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