33 days ago..

Was my anniversary of this blog. I haven’t been posting a lot lately because I’ve been busy. Well… Kind of. More like anxiety, feelings of guilt/shame/etc… I’m really bad about self recriminations. It’s like the more stressed out I get, the more I stress myself out. Anxiety is a bitch. I’m so far behind on things I need to do because I just.. I listen to other people, I hang out with friends because I know I need to, but then I feel like crap for forgetting to deal with stuff that *I* need to do. I’m sick of it. I’m very upset with myself for a ridiculous amount of stuff- Not blogging enough, not making my appointments, not having the house clean enough, not writing enough, being this pent up and frustrated.

I don’t know how to get the energy out anymore. What used to work I want to avoid now. Who am I? I know who I am inside, but it’s like my entire self is shifting and it’s scary.

I often just want to be alone. Like, I want space. From Aedric, from this apartment, etc. I’m an escapist. I want to escape, and I’ve been trying to escape the emotional storm raging in my heart and mind for the last, well, long time… but the storm is catching up to me and I don’t know how to get it out now. I don’t know what to do.

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~ by araelysia on December 1, 2013.

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